Lenten Fear

Fear is real! It is something that can paralyze us and change how we experience the world.

Something I love to do is SCUBA dive. I have had many experiences with friends and realize that SCUBA diving can be a scary thing, people feel out of control breathing underwater, but I love it. The first time in the water I honestly can say there was no fear. I was a fish waiting to get in the water, I belonged there! It is exciting the colors of the fish, sponges and coral…

I was on a dive trip in Honduras. We were there for a week doing three dives a day. I was a serious diver and had seen it all wrecks, reefs, walls… BUT I quickly learned that I had not seen it all. We were going on a cave dive. I geared up, jumped in the water with excitement of a new experience. I entered the cave – it was much smaller than I expected, I maybe had 5 inches on each side of me. There was no light in the cave so I clung to my flashlight. I began to become aware of things I wasn’t before. My senses heightened; flashlight in one hand and now my mask in the other. I didn’t want the person in front of me to kick it off. There was no way up if something went wrong and we had a good 20 of us in the cave. I now was holding onto my flashlight, mask and gage looking at it every few moments. Yep, I still have air, Yep we’re still 80 ft. under water. My goal was only to get out of the cave! My heart was racing and there was nothing that went unnoticed!

I then saw the light at the end of the cave. In a moment I would be out and free! As I swam out of the cave my heart didn’t stop beating fast, it started beating faster. Suddenly there was nothing when I swam out of that cave. No bottom below me and I could barely see light at the top. There was nothing in front of me or at my sides; no people, no fish, no coral. I was literally floating in what felt like an abyss of endless depth. I didn’t know where everyone went and I froze, helpless, I froze.

My diving buddy noticed my stillness from behind and he knows I love to dive. He swam in front of me and gestured to see if I was okay. I thought about it for a moment and didn’t want to freak him out because I was still breathing and gestured back, I’m okay. He then gestured to me to turn around.

When I turned, my world changed! I saw the most beautiful wall of sponges and corals, there were schools of vibrant colored fish everywhere. I honestly believed I had never seen anything so beautiful! The fear I experienced enhanced my senses – enhanced the colors – the experience. Why? Because I chose before, when diving, to do only what was comfortable. I always had a bottom and always could see the top. The fear from that dive opened my eyes to something I was not willing to see in the water before. It was the part of the water I always had my back to or ignored. Experiencing those parts enhanced the beauty of what I had seen 50 times before.

Fear enhances what is good in life. We are told to take up our cross in Matthew 10 & 16 – and if we want to save our lives we must lose it and if we lose our life we will save it. WHAT? Isn’t that the ultimate fear? Losing our life?

It’s what Jesus did and what did we do with him? We buried him in a tomb. But the story doesn’t end there because three days later Jesus breaks out of the tomb – and overcomes for each Child of God the ultimate fear - death.